Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody (2011)


Now I know what ya'll are thinking, but let me explain. I am a firm believer that all films, no matter of their rating or budget, have artistic value and should be treated and critiqued as such... except for this. This a garbage.


The film was released in 2011 and as such takes some inspiration from the Toby Maguire trilogy of Spider-Man film, but surprisingly takes most of its inspiration from the comics of the time. That's about all I can say positively about this movie. Beyond some passing references to the Fantastic Four and Dazzler the worldbuilding here is almost nonexistent.


As a big surprise to absolutely no one, the acting here is nothing less than awful, being far worse than the films that were released in the 1970s! The sound design is pretty piss-poor too ranging from audio that is completely indistinguishable from white noise to lip popping negative ASMR. The soundtrack is littered with nothing but royalty-free stock music thrown into scenes so long you can actually hear when they ran out on track and had to loop the audio.


With all that in mind, this film truly fails in two important parts: plot and pacing! To give you some context, two versions of this film exist: the original clocking in at 1 hour and 40 minutes and the frickle-frackle free version with a runtime of 21 minutes. Needless to say, you can tell where to focus went.


Even with the better, shorter version, it still produces more questions than answers. This film is about Kingpin paying Electro to steal Captain America's shield from the Avengers... and that's it. Nothing else worth mentioning happens... And then they have the audacity to end it on a cliffhanger where Doc Oct takes Aunt May on a date!

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